Saturday, September 4, 2010

Nowhere to go

Hi. Well it's been quite a day for me. I made a few decisions today that I hope were the right ones. I even made a new white board with my new set of goals which are completely different from the ones I had up. Besides getting into shape of coarse. My major concern and goal in my life right now is to regain my kids. I feel like that is the number one thing I need to achieve. I am their mom and need to be able to be their major source of support in many ways. So I swallowed my pride and anger and called my mom today. I explained to her what I needed and my plan to achieve that which is what I spent most of last night doing when I couldn't sleep. So we basically came to a decision that I am able to stay with her and move into my own place as soon as I get a job and a paycheck or two. Which is fine with me and what I had planned to do. So it solves alot of my issues that I have with daycare and helps me achieve my goal of going to school and being independent while allowing me to have my children with me.

I've been pretty wrecked over not seeing my kids this was inevitable. I feel so much better about things and am very optimistic that I can make things work and I'm very excited to be there for the first time when my kids get home from school. It's really been the little things about them that I have missed. Every motherly instinct that I have is screaming at me to be with them. It's gonna be hard but then again nothing worthwhile in life is easy. I'm also happy to get out of this god forsaken heat. I miss the cool mountain breezes and the pine trees. My bike is going to be my major source of transportation so the lower temperatures will be nice.

It's a major move I hope it's the right one. Moving is nothing new to me and I think the benefit that gives me is that I know what to expect especially in Prescott. So now I need to pack and work out how to get my stuff out there. I don't want to have to start over from scratch again and although I don't have much what I do have is very valuable to be. Except for that couch that smells like cat piss. That's going out to the dumpster tonight.

Not everything is going to go as planned and I'm expecting that. Getting where I need to be is going to take hard work and sacrifice. But there is one good thing about being at the bottom. I have nowhere to go but up.

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